Happy Birthday, Duncan! You Too, Kat

Sadly, I didn't get a talking cake for my birthday [*SIGH*], but this red velvet one Adam and Marie brought from Brown Betty in Philadelphia was okay. I GUESS.

And by "okay" I mean delicious. And by "I GUESS" I mean I DIED from the deliciousness.

Obscenely Easy White Pizza

I know you’re probably sick of my pizza recipes. I know. But what can I say? The Easy Whole Wheat Pizza Dough, she just keeps on giving! This particular cheese/bread combo has been a Sunday night go-to for several weeks now, and it seems to go equally well with pinot noir, pinot gris, and Tecate. It’s also super easy, and all of the ingredients can be purchased at even our crapshoot of a local grocery store (It’s called Bravo, but one day I’m going to start calling it “Booooo!”).

The first time I made this, I topped it with slivered basil BEFORE putting it in the oven. Bad idea. As you can see from the photo, it shriveled up to almost nothing, which I probably could’ve predicted if I wasn’t dying of hunger at the time. Anyway, last night we sprinkled the basil on just after the pizza came out of the oven, and it was perfection.

Now go on then, pick or whip yourself up a pizza crust, get your mozzarella shred on.

Obscenely Easy White Pizza

Makes two 12-inch pizzas or one 13- x 16-inch pizza.

1 recipe Easy Whole Wheat Pizza Dough
4 cloves garlic, sliced thin
8 oz. mozzarella, shredded
2 oz. goat cheese
2 roma tomatoes, thinly sliced
1 handful fresh basil, slivered

The prep on this is seriously so easy that I almost feel like a tool even typing it out. But anyway. Preheat the oven to 450 degrees.

When the crust is risen and ready, sprinkle the shredded mozzarella all over in an even layer. Follow with nickel-sized glops of goat cheese, then the sliced garlic, and finally, the tomato slices.

Place the pizza in the center of the oven and bake for 10 minutes. Once the crust is brown and lovely and the cheeses are melted, remove from oven and top with the slivered basil. I also find that this pizza benefits from some fresh black pepper and a drizzling of olive oil.

Basic Brioche

Marie Antoinette, likely brioche enthusiast

Making these brioche for the first time sparked a fun little history lesson at our house. While comparing recipes, I read a couple articles that suggested Marie Antoinette's famous "let them eat cake" quote was more likely "let them eat brioche."

I was relating this to My Dude when he stopped me. "Actually, it was probably Marie Antoinette's mother who said that. She was Austrian. So was Marie Antoinette. And so is the brioche."

A little further internet research (i.e., Wikipedia and The Straight Dope) reveals that no one really knows who said the line in question, what kind of pastry they were referring to, or whether or not they meant it in a bitchy way or whatever. What we do know is this:

• Jacques Pepin totally owns everyone when it comes to French pastry
• I totally own everyone when it comes to slavishly following a recipe
• After much consideration, I used Msr. Pepin's recipe

Ergo, my brioche was bangin'.

To wit:

It got even better when I looked inside:

So airy and buttery! We ate them with my future bro-in-law's homemade jam, but next time I think I'll make them a bit bigger so we can use them as burger buns. I think Marie (and her mom) would approve.

Best Bread in NYC?

Since I haven't yet summoned up the nerve to tackle Julia Child's 15-page baguette recipe, when I'm craving an apple and brie sandwich I usually head to Amy's Bread on Bleecker and buy a loaf for $2 or so. It's close to where I work, the quality of the bread is excellent, and if I have a little extra time I can swing into Murray's Cheese while I'm at it. But in classic Carrie Bradshaw, gal-in-the-city fashion, I can't help but wonder: what am I missing? Should I be getting out there and seeing other baguettes?

Anyone care to set me up on a blind date with a new bakery?

Aw, HELL Yeah!

[In my head, I hear Will Smith saying the title of this post.]

Tiny pies! I knew it could be done! The cupcake's reign of tyranny has officially ended. I am SO making these.

Don't stop the rockin', Not Martha.

Caramelized Onion, Rosemary & Gorgonzola Pizza

I owe this one to Adam Roberts at The Amateur Gourmet, who owes it to Alice Waters. I came across the recipe when I was having a craving and entered "caramelized onions" into the Food Blog search engine. It takes about an hour and a half from start to finish, but only about 15 minutes of that is active, so it's a great pizza to make while you're, say, watching the U.S. Open -- you can leave the onions and dough to do their thing for a couple games and check on them when John McEnroe's banter gets tiresome.

Caramelized Onion, Rosemary & Gorgonzola Pizza

• 2 Tbsp. unsalted butter
• 2 Tbsp. olive oil
• Four red onions
• 1/4 lb. Gorgonzola cheese
• 1 Tbsp. chopped fresh rosemary
• Salt and pepper

Rising dough

Preheat the oven to 450 degrees and move one of the racks to the center of the oven. For the crust, I used the reliable Easy Whole Wheat Pizza Dough.

The caramelized onions will look something like this.

While the dough was rising in its bowl, I chopped up the onions and put them in a pan with butter and olive oil over low heat, uncovered. Season with a bit of salt and pepper. You don't need to stir them much, maybe every ten minutes or so. You'll know they're done when they're tender, brown, and sweet. It can take anywhere between an hour and an hour and a half but don't rush it! They won't properly caramelize and you will die of shame and regret. I've seen it happen.

The pizza, just before baking

Once the dough is shaped and has properly risen, spread on the onions, followed by quarter-sized gobs of Gorgonzola, about 2 inches apart. With this pizza, there IS such a thing as too much cheese. Follow with a sprinkling of fresh rosemary and sling it in the oven for ten minutes.

It's just the right combination of sweet and savory, just like pretzels and chocolate and Donny and Marie.

And Now For Something Completely Different

Every now and then I gotta veer off topic and post something that I'm just obsessed with. This is one of those times:



That Samantha Bee, she's sugar to my soul.

Cupcakes: So Last Season?

Sprinkles are the new leggings.

This just in from The New York Times City Room blog: the cupcake trend is on the outs. The market is over-saturated, and in light of the obesity epidemic, sweets of all kinds are coming under fire by parents and schools.

If it's true, it wouldn't necessarily be the worst thing in the world. In the area where I work in downtown Manhattan, you cannot swing a dead cat without hitting a fairy cake piled high with buttercream, and it would be nice to see a little more diversity in bakeries. Sure, they're conveniently sized, but so are brioche and croissants and cookies -- hey, why not individual tarts or pies at the next office party? Something a little less...precious?

The point I'm getting at is that cupcakes are great, but there are so many other exciting things that can be done with flour, sugar, and butter. Why so many shops devoted to just one item? If I can figure this out, I will have also solved the mystery of the tangy fro-yo phenomenon.

My Omnivorous Hundred

Not explicitly baking-related, but a fun exercise nonetheless: The British blog Very Good Taste has made a list of the 100 foods every self-proclaimed omnivore should try at some point in their life. Food bloggers are encourage to copy the list to their blogs, bold the items they have tried, and strike the items they will not consider trying. Here's mine...

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ leg
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost [How have I not eaten this? It makes me want to cry - K]
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake [Rattler. I'm sorry, I thought this was a pissing contest - K]

Any list of this nature it sure to draw criticism, e.g. "why x and not y, etc.," but it was fun going through it, remembering the first time I tried certain things, which became favorites (Aloo gobi! Heirloom tomatoes!) and which I haven't touched since (borscht). And although I can't see myself ever ordering my own portion of horse, I'd like to think that I'd try a forkful. Does that count?